I can be a very negative person...and that's okay.
But, I think it is finally time that I face this reality.
It used to only be Mark that would point out the fact that I can have a very negative mind-set (usually in the middle of some sort of petty disagreement). However, lately I have had a few people "jokingly" comment on how pessimistic or defeated my attitude is. A couple times it has simply been in relation to my lack of feeling fufilled at work, or after a lousy night at volleyball, but other times it seems to just be a "vibe" I give off to people.
Everytime someone makes a comment, I can't help but feel a bit of a reality check. I used to think I was so good at keeping my internal struggles closed off from others so that I didn't seem weak or vulnerable, but it seems there are cracks in my armour. So I am summoning up the courage to say some things aloud - who says I must hide anyway?
I do not always feel happy, but I'm definitely not always sad.
I don't know if I'm on the right career path, but I like my job...but it just feels like a job.
Sometimes I feel worthless, yet no one has ever said those words to me.
I judge my body...and my mind.
Sometimes my highs are way to high - I hate arrogance.
I don't make friends easily but, I wish I meant more to people.
I believe jealousy is a positive quality.
These are all tough things for me to say "out loud." I know that what I feel is okay to feel, because it's part of what makes me who I am. I am however, struggling to maintain trust and confidence in myself and others, and therefore I think it probably couldn't hurt to look for guidance/support.